A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
Couch. On fire.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
