Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
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