he shaved USA in his pubs
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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