I'm sorry my penis didn't work
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Randomize
