why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
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I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
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just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
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