haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
Randomize
