You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
My brain says no but my pants say off.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
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