I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
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