Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
