Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
