Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
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