how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
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