ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
