he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
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