U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
I have already put on my inside pants.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
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