My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Randomize
