im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
Randomize
