We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
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