i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize