My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
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