Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
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