the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize
