I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
