I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
