my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
