I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize
