she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
false alarm, still single
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
Randomize
