I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
