Im at strip club and am horny
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
Randomize
