I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
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I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
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bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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