If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.