He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
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Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
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I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday