I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
There r osticjed everywhere
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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