so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
These 23 People Prove You Don’t Have To Be A 10 To Be Good In Bed
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
21 People That Had The Worst Birthdays Imaginable
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
I need a hoe opinion