Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
23 People Noticed Deal Breakers in Their Partner A Little Too Late
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
23 Millennials Confess The Things They Wish They Weren’t Attracted To
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila