I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird