i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.