is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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