I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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