Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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