I saw his package. It spoke to me.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Randomize
