This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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