Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Randomize
