I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
apparently the secret to your success is patron
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
I have fence marks all over my body
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
