he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
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The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
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I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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