I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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