I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Randomize
