I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
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