dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
