the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
