Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
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