I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
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