Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
Randomize
