so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
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