i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
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