..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
Randomize
