so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Randomize
