I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
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