i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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