We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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