I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
Randomize
