we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
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