I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
