you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Randomize
