just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
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