YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Randomize