the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
can u get pink eye on your cock?
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
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