May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
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