There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
