i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
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