If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
Randomize
