I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
