He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
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