bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
