are you so shy because you have an std?
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
