32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
Randomize
