Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
