last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
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