Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
Less talking, more tequila
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Randomize
