Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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