mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Randomize
