It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
