Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
I love having hate sex.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Randomize
