Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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