I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
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