He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
Randomize
