dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
Randomize
