Jerry, you need to find god
Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
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