I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
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