dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
I can't put those talents on a resume
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
