He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
Randomize