Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
Is this like a preordered booty call?
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
