I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
