I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Randomize
