I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
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