On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
