you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
If I had your ass I would rule the world
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
