hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
Randomize
