dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
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