FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
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